When I was 8 years old, I began rocking back and forth on the floor as I watched the Muppet Show. To me, it just felt good and didn’t think much about it.
38 years later, I am still rocking and realize that it has consumed 55,000 hours of my life.
This blog is to help those who suffer from PTSD, ADHD, and anxiety. I have spent most of my life trying to avoid people because of some invisible wound inside of me. I hid behind rocking, drugs, alcohol, sex, porn, sugar – you name it, I probably have tried it.
In my 20’s, I thought I was cool and rebellious for partaking in these vices, but today it’s very clear after doing personal development and meditation, that I was running from myself.
When I was 36, I finally stopped drinking. I thought that would solve all my problems, but in fact it did the opposite. Everything that I had run from since I was 8 began to surface.
I had a panic-attack at my parent’s dinner table two years into sobriety. That panic attack wiped out my confidence, and from that day forward I was very self-conscious around everyone, even my parents, because I was waiting for another panic attack to happen.
My entire life seems like I’ve been in “fight or flight” and it’s exhausting.
Since I didn’t want to be scared of my parent’s or dinner tables, I took to self-development and looked for anything natural that could help me.
I’ve finally found a few things that have helped me:
I rediscovered God while listening to Brian Head Welch’s song, L.O.V.E.
I wept and wept and wept. It was a relieving purge and left me feeling lighter and more loving.
I knew I couldn’t tackle social anxiety alone.
Over the next few years, my wife and I have dry fasted and now meditate regularly.
I have stopped rocking for almost a month.
Here’s the update:
Thank you so much for visiting!